"omg i literally can’t imagine my life without orgasms"
"Yo’ pippins are basic as hell, but my pippins be plush as all shit."
Special guest appearance by Katie Kuffel
"doctor who feels like a big heterosexual circlejerk"
"why is there a spoon in my bed oh god what is my life i hate drunk people even though i am one of them myself sometimes"
"marry me. seriously. marry me and then bake me things. because that’s a healthy relationship, right?"
Lina Schmidt, radical feminist
"he is gay, and taken. drunk lina knows how to pick em"
i will kill him
STOP MASTICATING IN MY EAR"
Lina Schmidt when confronted with loud chewers
"I just found a corn dog in the spoon drawer. I hate drunk people."
"HOW ABOUT I SIT ON YOU AND SMOTHER YOU TO DEATH WITH MY SWEET CURVY ASS"
"it’s like a soup of the cutest things"